Tuesday, March 26, 2013

'Spring Breakers' Review



Spring Breakers, though full of actresses you might recognize from the Disney Channel, is a wild, raunchy ride full of drugs, guns, gangs, and even a good old fashioned murdering spree, all brought to you by director Harmony Korine. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Vanessa Hudgens said this film was a "monumental piece of art...that is eye candy." Okay, sure...it may be more like a monumental piece of garbage that after you see it, you'd never think twice about remembering it, unless you are a guy looking to see a bunch of girls in bikinis or if you can look at it like it's a true mockery of today's youth.


Faith (Selena Gomez), Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Brit (Ashley Benson), and Cotty (Rachel Korine-- Harmony Korine's wife) are four bored college students who had planned on going to Spring Break, but fell short when it came to how much money they had saved up.  In order to get quick funds, they rob a fast food restaurant.  Before you know it, they're already on a beach doing the whole "Spring Break" thing and hitting up parties full of drugs-- for which they immediately get arrested for.  You might think they’re finally getting caught for their robbery, but they are really just getting busted for being at a party with cocaine, so they only have to spend two days in jail or pay a fine...but they have already run out of money.


After some time in jail, a corn-rowed drug dealer, with a shiny grill in place of a smile, named Alien (James Franco) comes to their rescue and bails them out.


After a few hours with Alien at a local park and then at a garage party, Faith says she feels too uncomfortable and gets on a bus to go back home.  Instead of the other girls agreeing with her, they blankly stare at her while she expresses how wrong it feels to be rolling with drug dealers. She leaves, and before you know it, the other three seemingly brainless girls are wrapped up in Alien’s world of crime and drugs...and even now part of a feud with Archie (Gucci Mane) and they couldn't be happier.  At one point, they ask their new pal, Alien, to play something inspirational for them on his outdoor piano, and he starts singing Britney Spears to them. This leads them all to join in and have a "moment." (Unless this really is a satirical jab at how today's youth has no idea what real music is, this was one of the film industry's worst moments.)

The ending--spoiler alert-- is so ridiculous, that it is laugh-worthy.  Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson’s characters are the only two left on vacation (Cotty goes home after being shot by someone in Gucci Mane’s entourage) and they are planning revenge on Gucci with Alien. When it all goes down, however, James Franco immediately gets shot down and dies, yet Benson and Hudgens walk through an entire gang of armed drug dealers with ease, shooting them down one by one.  As though these gangsters were up against two of the most powerful criminals of all time, they all get shot down by two bikini-clad airheads like they never had a chance.  Meanwhile, James Franco doesn't even make it three steps into the gunfight (like a little girl).  

This movie was AWFUL. The only people who could possibly enjoy it must be 16 to 25 year old guys, simply for the constant boob-flashing of random spring-breakers not affiliated with the barely-there plot. The satire theory might be wishful thinking. The only actors who really had to do any work were James Franco and Selena Gomez, who was the only girl who thought befriending Alien was “‘spicious.”  The other girls literally probably weren’t even given a script for the movie, because their main purpose was to be a dumb bimbo in a bathing suit who was drunk or high.  By the end of the film, you lose so much respect for Vanessa Hudgens and her terrible blonde dye-job and Ashley Benson.  

There seemed to be quite a bit of media attention on Selena Gomez finally ditching her squeaky clean image for this role, but once you see her part, it is rather disappointing.  She plays a Jesus-loving college student who isn’t even aware of the robbery until after the fact, and who ditches the story around the same time James Franco enters.  So, she comes out of the whole movie with her squeaky clean image intact.  Yet, she got tons of media attention, as did the movie, for “stepping out of her boundaries.”

Our Vote: This movie gets a C- or a D+, and the only thing worse than Vanessa Hudgens is Vanessa Hudgens with blonde hair and a bad manicure.

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2 comments:

  1. are you guys 14 years old WOWP fans?.. wow, Spring Breakers is a beautiful made film.
    FYI Vanessa was wearing a wig. Selena was the baby crying the whole time. Ashley and Vanessa were amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good review. The great irony about Spring Breakers is that it's really not about Spring Break at all, but is instead about the Spring Break Generation or Generation Y as most call it. For that bold step, I have to give the movie credit.

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